You build rapport to use it

Here's something I had to learn the hard way (multiple times, because I'm a slow learner): being liked is not the same as being effective.

I watch this pattern play out a lot with new managers or salespeople. Manager builds great relationship with their team. Salesperson becomes "really close" with the prospect. Everyone's vibing. Everyone's comfortable.

And NOTHING happens.

The relationship becomes the GOAL instead of the TOOL. They've built up all this trust and then... they just sit on it.

Like hoarding frequent flyer miles until they expire.

Rapport exists so you can SPEND IT. Spend it on honesty. Spend it on pushing the pace up…. WHATEVER… but spend it!

Let me give you a specific example.

We had a manager at Sagan a while back. Her team loved her. I mean genuinely loved her. She'd remember birthdays, check in on personal stuff, the whole thing. Great relationship builder.

But performance? Flat. For months.

Why?

Because she never used the relationship for what it was built for!

She'd accumulated all this trust and refused to deploy it. Every time she needed to give hard feedback (this report isn't good enough, you're missing deadlines, your communication needs work), she'd soften it into meaninglessness or just... not say it.

She was so worried about preserving the rapport that she forgot why she built it in the first place.

Think of it like training. The weight is the point. The healthy stress creates the growth. No load, no growth. The rapport enables us to load up the relationship!

Same dynamic shows up in sales. When a prospect you've never built trust with says "just send me an email," you have no standing to push back. You just say "sure" and add another dead lead to your CRM.

But with rapport? Now you have permission.

"Hey, I've been around the block a bit. When someone tells me to send an email, that usually means no. Is that what's happening here? Because if it is, that's totally fine. I'd just rather know now."

That's respect. You're treating them like an adult instead of playing the polite game where everyone pretends.

And after you’ve depleted all your rapport pushing forward?

YOU REFILL IT so you can use it again.

The manager who's everyone's friend but never has the hard conversation isn't kind. They're avoidant. And their team stays stuck because of it.

The relationship isn't the destination. It's the foundation that makes the hard conversations possible.

Anyone can be nice. The question is: what are you going to do with it?

Build the bank account. Then spend it on something that matters.

Yallah Habibi,

Jon