The Art of Direct Feedback

Here's something that's taken me years to figure out: Most people are terrible at giving feedback because they're trying to be nice instead of being clear.

I just finished a conversation with Priscilla, one of Sagan’s best team leads, and it reminded me how much I'm still learning about this myself.

She's incredibly thoughtful and cares deeply about her people…which is exactly why she was overthinking every word and turning what should be a two-minute conversation into something much longer.

Sound familiar?

It sure does to me!

The Four-Step Formula

Through lots of trial and error (and a book I read, I forget the name), I've found there's a simple structure that makes this way easier:

1. Ask for permission - "Can I give you some feedback?"

2. State the facts - What specifically happened, when it happened

3. Explain the impact - Why it matters

4. Set clear expectations - What you want moving forward

Sounds easy, right?

It is! But I still catch myself rambling sometimes.

Why Good Managers Struggle With This

The best managers (like Priscilla) often struggle with feedback because they care so much about their people.

They want to soften every edge, provide context for everything, and make sure no one feels bad.

I used to do the same thing. Hell, I still do sometimes!

But here's what I'm learning: CLEAR is KIND.

When you're vague, you're not being nice…you're being blahhh.

Your people can't fix what they don't understand.

Practice Makes Better

When Pri mentioned feeling awkward and bad about giving direct feedback, I had to be honest:

"You haven't practiced. Neither had I when I started."

You're not born with this skill!

I'm still developing it through repetition, and every manager needs to work on it.

I told her what's helped me: start with low-stakes situations, practice the four steps until they become more natural, write them down if needed.

I wasn't naturally good at this. I'm still not perfect at it. Like any skill, it takes deliberate practice to get comfortable.

Keep It Simple

Not every feedback conversation needs deep context.

If someone's consistently late to meetings, you don't need to explore their life story. Just address the behavior directly.

Another Silly Trick That Works

Always follow up feedback conversations with a written summary. I tell people upfront that I'm going to do this, so they know what to expect.

It can be very simple:

“Hey Bob, as discussed you’ve been late to the last 3 one on ones on the calendar. When you are late, we don’t have enough time to cover everything we need to, which effects team performance. Moving forward, I expect you are on time - or send me notice in advance if there are any issues. Let me know if you have any questions or need any support”.

There's nothing worse than having someone walk away from a feedback conversation with a completely different understanding than what you intended. The written follow-up prevents that disconnect and gives them something to reference later.

The Relationship Foundation

The one thing that a lot of boners in Silicon Valley mess up who hear about this direct thing is that they don't build it off the foundation of a relationship.

“I'm just going to be myself, run a high-performance team, and be direct with things people are messing up.”

That definitely does not work.Y

Your team needs to know that you care about them deeply to hear the feedback. And that's why one of the most important characteristics of a good manager and leader is knowing and taking care of your people. It doesn't work if you're just some random person giving them feedback who they only hear from when they mess something up.

When people know you're in their corner, they can hear difficult truths. Without that foundation, even gentle feedback feels like an attack.

Your Next Step

Pick one person on your team who needs feedback about something specific. Write out the four steps for that conversation. Practice it once or twice. Then have the conversation this week.

Don't overthink it. Don't soften it. Just be clear, be direct, and be helpful.

Your team is DYING for this.

If you feel like you don't have a good enough relationship to give somebody direct feedback like this, then spend some time building relationships so you can.

Still figuring this out myself. So is Priscilla. So is everyone.

Leadership’s a team sport. Keep working the reps.

Yallah Habibi,

Jon

Sagan's Leadership Team:

Born In: Ecuador, India, Venezuela, Russia, Philippines, New Zealand, Philippines, Mexico, USA, Argentina, Colombia, USA.